omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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