Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
