Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize