So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
