so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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