I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my phone needs a breathalizer
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
