I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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