i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
