I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
