she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
