FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
