I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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