We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
