i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
