I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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