Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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