im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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