Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
