I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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