Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
