No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
