What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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