So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
