Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
