I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
