Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
