My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do vagina's smell?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
