Porn is love you can see.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
