and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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