Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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