And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
