That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
