i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
