I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
