My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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