You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
