dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
