We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
