Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
