Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
