he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
