He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
