hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
