I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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