I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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