My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
