They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
