Sry I called you an 8
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
