handjob tips. give me some.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
