literally had 100 drinks last night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
