I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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