Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
