I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
