So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
