She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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