Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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