after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize