I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
