Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
