Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
