Well douche your snatch and let's go!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She even gives head with a lisp.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
