the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize