He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
