i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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