somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
