I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
