omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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