Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
