she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
