If that was your dad, he is hot
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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