He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
