it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize