i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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