Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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