I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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