i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
