actually, I'm a sock model
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
