How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
