this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize