I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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