we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
