I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
