Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
