Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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