Don't make out with my wife yet
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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