I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
