I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
