just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
