her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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