Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I won the penis lottery.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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