pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
