I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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