i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
