The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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