some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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