every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
