This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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