I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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