dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
