Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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