You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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