i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
