Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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