I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So apparently I’m into choking now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
