wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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