Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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