My sheets look like a crime scene.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
