We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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