my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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