My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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