My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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