We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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