It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone came in the potted fern
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
