Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
