wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
