Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize