After last night, I could never be a politician.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
