Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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