I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
