6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
