we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
