Ambien. No doubt about it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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