Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
